squirrels, squirrels and more squirrels

[agee12]

Originally Posted by dmforcier

It's a no-no to feed cats?


I guess I'm going to hell.

It's a no no to feed feral / neighborhood cats. In my case my feeding them set off a chain of events where I have become their caretaker and I have gotten considerable enjoyment and enrichment out of my "mistake" but the practice is discouraged because when most people feed feral / neighborhood cats and it ends up causing more problems than it solves. Now it may be worth considering for a gardener to see if she / he can turn a couple of neighborhood cats into "barn" cats but it is not something that should be undertaken lightly.

Since I have your attention, this made me .

Originally Posted by dmforcier

Stop feeding the dogs.

[dmforcier]

Hey, it would work.




Well, except for the doxies, maybe,

[b54red]

There is one cat that hangs around but not in the back yard where death would be quick with all my dogs. He does hang around under my neighbors huge oak tree anytime he sees me walking around with my pellet rifle. The squirrels have cut back on their snacking on my winter veggies for now but I fear it will resume as soon as they can get away with it like on a rainy cold day. If we ever get a rainy day.

The day I set out my new broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage and Brussels sprouts they got six plants by the end of the day. I had to run to the Ace Hardware to get some blood meal which they really don't like but it costs a lot. It is very effective at keeping squirrels away unless it gets wet and right now that isn't a problem. I'm hoping the plants will get large enough to survive any chewing before the squirrels come back.

Bill

[Cole_Robbie]

http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-w...e-took-him-out

Chicago Alderman Warned About Aggressive Squirrels. Then One Took Him Out


he "was jumped by a kamikaze squirrel that leapt into the front wheel of his bike and lodged himself in the spokes, sending the alderman flying over the handlebars."

[Hellmanns]

I never dreamed slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect.

I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile suddenly shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me.

It was a squirrel, and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it -- it was that close. I hate to run over animals, and I really hate it on a motorcycle, but a squirrel should pose no danger to me.

I barely had time to brace for the impact. Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels, I discovered, can take care of themselves!

Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing my oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his beady little eyes.

His mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leaped!

I am sure the scream was squirrel for "Bonzai !" or maybe "Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!" The leap was nothing short of spectacular...He shot straight up, flew over my windshield, and impacted me squarely in the chest. Instantly, he set upon me If I did not know better, I would have sworn he brought 20 of his little buddies along for the attack.

Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity.

As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans, this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!

Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 25 mph down a quiet residential street, and in the fight of his life with a squirrel. And losing ...

I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil little rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw. That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there.

It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser. But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary angry squirrel. This was an EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH!

Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands and, with the force of the throw, swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his rather antisocial and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him! The situation was not improved. Not improved at all. His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him. I was startled, to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of a Valkyrie can only have one result. Torque.

This is what the Valkyrie is made for, and she is very good at it.

The engine roared and the front wheel left the pavement.

The squirrel screamed in anger.

The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy.

I screamed in ... well .. I just plain screamed.

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel-torn T-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, and roaring at maybe 50 mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street on one wheel, with a demonic squirrel of death on his back.

The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.

With the sudden acceleration I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike.

This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices, but I really did not want to crash into somebody's tree, house or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle ... my brain was just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little effect against the massive power of the big cruiser.

About this time the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he was an evil mutant NAZI attack squirrel of death), and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet with me.

As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the squirrel, however. The RPMs on the Valkyrie Dragon maxed out (since I was not bothering with shifting at the moment), so her front end started to drop.

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very raggedly torn T-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, roaring at probably 80 mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel's tail sticking out of the mostly closed full-face helmet. By now the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.

Finally I got the upper hand ... I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked ... sort of.

Spectacularly sort of .. so to speak.

Picture a new scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork. Suddenly a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn T-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing only one leather glove, moving at probably 80 mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by, and with all his strength throws a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car.

I heard screams.

They weren't mine...

I managed to get the big motorcycle under control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign of a busy cross street. I would have returned to 'fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really ... Except for two things.

First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, aiming a riot shotgun at his own police car.

So, the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to "let the professionals handle it" anyway. That was one thing. The other?

Well, I could clearly see shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery from the back seat. But I could also swear I saw the squirrel in the back window, shaking his little fist at me. That is one dangerous squirrel. AND NOW HE HAS A PATROL CAR. A somewhat shredded patrol car ... but it was all his.

I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn off of Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves. And a whole lot of Band-Aids.

[dmforcier]

Now THAT'S entertainment!

[Jimbotomateo]

My wife laughed thru the whole story! Great work Hellmans!

[AlittleSalt]

Hellmanns, I could envision that happening as I read along.

I could just hear the cops calling for animal control...don't ask, just come and get this demonic squirrel!

[Hellmanns]

Thanks, guys! My buddy sent me that story years ago, I think about it from time to time, and actually lol!

[dmforcier]

[Worth1]

Originally Posted by dmforcier

That's a southern squirrel it has its gray uniform on.

Worth

[matereater]

Great story !!

[EPawlick]

Anyone still having problems with squirrels now that winter is almost here?

We have several inches of snow here but the squirrels are still busy. They have been stripping the ends of the Austrian pines outside my kitchen window.

[Starlight]

They still as active as ever here. I was sitting on porch and seen this big white square moving across neighbors yard. At first I thought it was the wind blowing her garden towel around until I realized there was no wind. I kept watching this towel and next thing I knew it was slowly going up a giant pine tree. Looked like a flag at half mast at first and then I seen the squirrel. It took that big towel right up into its nest. When the neighbor came out, I told her that her towel was now 40' in the air and don't expect to see it again until the nest fall down.

[EPawlick]

Wow! Squirrels appear to be quite domesticated in your area. Hahaha!!!

My daughter had a squirrel on her 21st floor balcony a few weeks ago. He had bitten through the bird netting to get at her plants.

After chasing him away with a broom--she decided to bring inside her blueberry bush, her sage, and rosemary.